Came across this article and wondered if I have and/or know all that I should since I am now a woman of a certain age….
By 30, you should have …
1. One old boyfriend you can imagine going back to and one who reminds you of how far you’ve come. - I definitely have a dude the reminds me of how far I’ve come but do not have the one I can imagine EVER going back to…
2. A decent piece of furniture not previously owned by anyone else in your family. - YES!
3. Something perfect to wear if the employer or man of your dreams wants to see you in an hour. - *Coughs* Describe “perfect”…
4. A purse, a suitcase, and an umbrella you’re not ashamed to be seen carrying. - I just stole an umbrella from my mother the last time I was at her house (yes Mommy, that blue one)…but I have a purse and a suitcase, so technically, I’m good.
5. A youth you’re content to move beyond. - Da hell does this mean?
6. A past juicy enough that you’re looking forward to retelling it in your old age. - Check!
7. The realization that you are actually going to have an old age — and some money set aside to help fund it. - If I live to be 80, I’m taking all my lady friends who are still alive to da club for my birthday - dranks on me senior bitches!
8. An email address, a voice mailbox, and a bank account — all of which nobody has access to but you. - DUH
9. A résumé that is not even the slightest bit padded. - Hmmmmmmmm……
10. One friend who always makes you laugh and one who lets you cry. - As long as I got one that lets me do both, I’m good, and fortunately for me…. Fortunate for them, I don’t cry…well maybe in my case I do what they call whine?
11. A set of screwdrivers, a cordless drill, and a black lace bra. - *Home Improvement Grunt* Done. Done. and DONE.
12. Something ridiculously expensive that you bought for yourself, just because you deserve it. - Yeeeeeeeaaaaaahhhhhh buddy.
13. The belief that you deserve it. - Got it and them some.
14. A skin-care regimen, an exercise routine, and a plan for dealing with those few other facets of life that don’t get better after 30. - Well see, I mean I wash my face er’day. Exercise routine? Does dancing in da club count? I’ll be working on dealing with life for as long as I have one.
15. A solid start on a satisfying career, a satisfying relationship, and all those other facets of life that do get better. - LOLOLOLOLOLOLOL!
By 30, you should know …
1. How to fall in love without losing yourself. - If what I did was fall in love, then hell to da muthafluffin yeah.
2. How you feel about having kids. - NO DOUBT IN MY MIND
3. How to quit a job, break up with a man, and confront a friend without ruining the friendship. - Hahahahaha! Fuck yeah on #1 and #2….#3, I’m a slow learner…
4. When to try harder and when to walk away. - Haven’t mastered this, but 1,000% better at knowing when and when.
5. How to kiss in a way that communicates perfectly what you would and wouldn’t like to happen next. - I’m not sure how to articulate what I think about this one so um….next
6. The names of the secretary of state, your great-grandmothers, and the best tailor in town. - I know the SOS, I know one great-grandmother, and if by tailor you mean I know the best place to go to buy shit that fits me in the first place so I don’t need a tailor, then yeah, I’m good.
7. How to live alone, even if you don’t like to. - I DO AND I LOVE IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
8. Where to go — be it your best friend’s kitchen table or a yoga mat — when your soul needs soothing. - I actually do - it’s called “Bottle King” aka my favorite Discount Liquor Store.
9. That you can’t change the length of your legs, the width of your hips, or the nature of your parents. - Really?
10. That your childhood may not have been perfect, but it’s over. - WHOA….shut the fuck up Dr. Phil.
11. What you would and wouldn’t do for money or love. - This requires real ponder-ation cuz it’s really easy to say shit if you’ve never been asked to do or not do some things that you may or may not do…
12. That nobody gets away with smoking, drinking, doing drugs, or not flossing for very long. - Yeah, I know. Especially not flossing. Gingivitis ain’t cute people.
13. Who you can trust, who you can’t, and why you shouldn’t take it personally. - As Maya Angelou told my Oprah, “when people show you who they are, believe them the first time.” It’s hard not to take it personal, but I know why I shouldn’t.
14. Not to apologize for something that isn’t your fault. - TRUST me…I don’t, won’t, never have and never will.T
15. Why they say life begins at 30 - A to da Men!