Social-Ass-Burgers
Seems it’s a rare disease, but I’ve been diagnosed and I’m not ashamed. The symptoms vary, but they are strong, can be debilitating, and can make you miss out on pictures of your best friend’s new baby, which can cause a case of the sads. The very small percentage of us who suffer from Social-Ass-Burger-Networking-Phobia manage to live normal lives, have an appreciation for traditional methods of communication - phone calls, personal emails, greeting cards, typed letters - and actually enjoy face-to-face interaction and conversations. Unfortunately, we become annoyed, frustrated, overly flustered, and upset by the need to share our lives with hundreds, maybe thousands of people, who really only see us as a number that proves to others just how “popular” they are.
Saying hi to one person and asking how you are doing for all the world to see is incomprehensible, confusing, and can cause eye-rolling, side eye staring, glaring, and dry heaves.
There is no cure. So what does a Social-Ass-Burger-Networking-Phobic person do when she has a book to sell (see Imperfect Angel) but it makes her physically ill participating in the spheres of social media? TBD.
I can already hear the bullies saying “shut the fuck up bitch, don’t nobody want to social network witchoass anyway.” Ditto, cyber bullies, ditto.
